Neven Iliev

Joe Mulligan is looking for love, companionship, and romance… and that’s what the brochure said he was getting. Unfortunately, The Cult of the Gazing Star has no such thing planned for him. They had to lure a willing sacrifice in somehow, and as has always been the case, those looking for love, companionship, and romance are plentiful. So, having hooked the perfect, gullible, and hopelessly clueless candidate, these fanatics will finally summon the subject of their worship: a terrible being from beyond the veil of reality called Mag’rathlak the Observer. And although this devious cult had no intention of finding Joe a worthy companion, he may have found one all the same…

Believing Boxxy gone, Fizzy leaves her life in Azurvale behind and sets out to seek fame and fortune. She has her sights set on the Horkensaft Kingdom’s Royal Institute of Technology and all the prestige and resources she’d gain access to if admitted. However, despite her intentions for a clean slate and solitary career, life quickly reminds her of the most vital lesson that box-shaped war crime drilled into her – no single being can survive this world without allies.

It is an undeniable fact that good things come in small packages. More often than not, it is necessary to trim the fat in order to bring what really matters to the forefront. Having extra bulk may seem like a good idea, but in reality it is merely a crutch that will one day become a hindrance, as it is no substitute for personality nor ability. Indeed, often times it is the small things in life that brighten up our daily lives and constantly remind us exactly why we do the things we do. However, it is important to keep an open mind, for while bigger is not always better, there are also times when it is. This holds especially true when it comes to hopes and dreams, which have been known to require a suitably large container from time to time. And while dreaming big could potentially lead to massive disappointment, it is also possible to reach for the stars while aiming at the moon. These are the truths that one tiny woman with a gigantic aspiration is about to discover. DISCLAIMER: This is a spin-off/side story of Everybody Loves Large Chests, which takes place during the events of Volume 7: Goroth.

Having potentially found love in, seriously, THE most unlikely place -- no exaggeration -- Joe is committed to his agreement with Mag’rathlak the Observer, or, Maggie, as she prefers him, AND ONLY HIM, to call her. The first task at hand: teach Maggie to walk. From there, he can show her his home, Mega City Dave-156 of the Third British Empire, and humanity in general after that. Tall orders for a loser like Joe, but hopefully, he can accomplish all of this before his soaps are on.

Bureaucracy, maintenance, and odd jobs. Though hardly the most glamorous start to her new life, Fizzy understands that the ambitious future she envisions for herself demands a solid foundation. Standing out so much certainly helps with getting herself established, though it does have its downsides whenever it starts attracting trouble as well.

Joe shows Maggie more wonders of the human world, including old video games played with actual controllers. In VR, he’s also able to show her the wonders of nature, hiking, and Spazz metal concerts. But none of this compares to the experience of consuming REAL FOOD, digesting it in a real human body, and the discovery of her favorite flavor, “Starberry.”

With her finances finally sorted and her strangely willing servant properly situated, the tireless golem is almost ready to start pursuing her dreams in earnest. She just needs to remain patient for a while longer. Once her crippled arm is reconstructed and reattached, there will be nothing left to stop her from moving up in the world.

Special Agent Sarah Johanson, the psy-operative responsible for breaking into Mag’rathlak’s summoning ritual, hasn’t given up. She’s still under orders from Her Immortal Majesty’s Supernatural Eviction Agency to monitor the Class-3 Cosmic Entity as it… does whatever it’s doing, and so she remains vigilant at her monitor, watching “the subject” as it drinks with Joe and the lads at a pub. Meanwhile, Joe has to practice for an upcoming Underwater Yoga Blaster tournament, which means Maggie has to figure out how to entertain herself for a few days. As she quests to discover the animal life that has attached itself to human culture, she happens to meet Mr. Charles, the owner of a novelty shop that just happens to sell pets. Fascinated by the idea of owning a cute critter of her own, she quickly learns how owners should and shouldn’t treat their pets.

They say shoot for the moon, but this is just ridiculous, even by the erratic standards of the God of Chaos. Still, as his devoted Paladin, Fizzy is determined to adapt to her extraordinary circumstances and eventually find her way home, even if it takes her centuries. Still, she’d best not dally, as her companions-by-chance probably don’t have that luxury. Bloody meatbags.

WARNING! Incomplete, UNSTABLE audio. Listen at own risk! Raw audio of upcoming audiobook No edits -- includes chatting, mess-ups, cursing and laughing Available for a limited time! (Until complete version is published to Audible) At a glance, the dwarves and gnomes of the Horkensaft Kingdom are two peoples who are worlds apart. The former are seen as hardcore traditionalists Hell-bent on maintaining the status quo, while the latter only look ever forward and upward as they grasp at the future with both hands. And yet, these two seemingly opposing cultures serve as a counter-balance to each other, creating a civilization that draws upon the wisdom of the past to face new challenges. Whether that is actually the case or mere propaganda will soon to be put to the test, as they are about to receive a visit from the Hero of Chaos. The enigmatic herald of change has already fostered a well-deserved reputation for setting things in motion by their presence, and only time will tell if the Kingdom of the stout-folk will survive the impending transition. Though, once again, Boxxy doesn't actually care what ripples it causes. It isn't there to upset society or challenge the stagnant culture of all-work-no-play. Its goal is to track down an errant treasure that escaped its grasp while it was out of commission, and maybe secure some new pieces for its ever-growing collection along the way. Before it has a chance to, however, it must first deal with a significant issue that threatens to undo much of its work since its arrival in Azurvale. It is a challenge unlike any it has faced, and not one that it can hope to solve easily through force and violence. The limits of Boxxy's patience and self-control are about to be tested, as it looks desperately for a way... to leave the house. CONTENT WARNING: Profanity, gore, violence, explicit adult content

In the last episode, Maggie was very naughty. So naughty, in fact, the police were called. Thankfully, sky-diving without a license is a minor offense, and so she was only brought into the station long enough for Joe to come and get her. But Joe's trouble doesn't stop there. Practice has been going great for the Underwater Yoga Blaster tournament, but his teammate Ryan's Full Immersion Pod 3000™ is on the fritz. Hopefully Joe can convince Maggie to bring a shoggoth or two to Ryan's flat in time to save his Full Immersion Pod 3000™, and the tournament...

When Fizzy first saw the city of Dragunov, she thought it truly was the Tinkerers’ Holy Land. Little did she know it was only a prototype, barely a prelude of where this unprecedented detour would lead her. Though Fizzy is eager to see what the Original Artificer has been up to since her disappearance, she maintains a healthy dose of paranoia regarding ‘Katya’ person’s true motives. Just like Boxxy taught her.

On April 1, 2021, we convinced ELLC fans that, after a long wait, we were releasing Mortimer: Volume 6 here on SBT Direct for free. Of course, as they should have expected, it was a trap. People were pissed. It was hilarious. We've made it available again so you can now enjoy these 10 hours of comedic genius yourself.

Maggie and Joe visit the "zoo" that Ryan's uncle works at. But after that, there's no time to waste. Joe and the lads need help with the Underwater Yoga Blaster tournament. When the pressure is on, Maggie shows her worth as a star pilot, but is it enough to win?

Optimism is a feeling Fizzy long thought dead and buried, yet here it is, rearing its ugly head. Just the faintest suggestion that Boxxy might still be alive was enough to make her core buzz with anticipation and glee. Unfortunately, the task of getting to it has not been made simpler, and if all she needs to do to accomplish it is wipe out an indigenous civilization or two, then so be it.

Officer Maloney knows something isn't quite right. Her Immortal Majesty's Supernatural Eviction Agency wanted him to drop this whole "skydiving" incident, but his curiosity just won't have it. But Maggie always knows when she's being watched...

Upgrades! Now even more wondrous, fantastic, and lethal – not to mention with a divine sponsorship – Fizzy is finally ready to put this madness behind her and return to some semblance of normalcy. She doesn’t even have to commit genocide to do it. Instead, she has to lead the charge against a tyrannical, mechanical overlord that has had an entire century to fortify themselves. What could possibly go wrong?

Joe becomes perturbed when Maggie pays someone else a little too much attention, and London Bridge begins to fall as Her Immortal God Queen tries to make amends.

Maggie tries sleep, and goes shopping. Joe approves involuntarily.

AJ finds a rock. Maggie starts to grow on her. Then the shoggoth makes a mess.

Maggie and Joe visit the beach. Then they get sued for copyright infringement.

Maggie accidentally starts a cult. Then she meets Joe's mum.

Joe and Maggie go on a luxury space cruise. But they're joined by an unexpected guest...

WARNING! Incomplete, UNSTABLE audio. Listen at own risk! Raw audio of upcoming audiobook No edits -- includes chatting, mess-ups, cursing and laughing Available for a limited time! (Until complete version is published to Audible) The world waits for no one. While Boxxy is off chasing shinies and delving dungeons abroad, Azurvale's shadows churn, fester, and ferment into a potent cocktail of trouble. Secret organizations maneuver behind the scenes, patiently advancing their nefarious plots. Government agencies lay in wait, ready to pounce at the first sign of trouble. Powerful adventurers gear up and train for the next challenge, uncertain as to what form it might take. In the midst of all this, a humble scholar arrives from a distant land wholly ignorant to the mountain-sized powder keg waiting for him. Explosives primed and the fuse set, the only thing missing is a spark to set things off, and who better to serve that role than a fiery redhead making her triumphant return? It would appear that the universe once again conspires to put the Hero of Chaos in dire straits. However, in this particular instance, Boxxy is not entirely without fault. It doesn't know it yet, but the nasty surprises that await it are nothing more than the consequences of its own actions. As it turns out, butting heads with the seedy underbelly of civilized society has a way of stirring up an immense amount of trouble. Boxxy is aware of this, of course, though it doesn't care since it fancies itself an expert at deflecting blame and avoiding responsibility. For the most part, this is an accurate assessment. Unfortunately for the less-than-a-year-old monster, it has yet to learn one of life's key lessons. Bad karma is like a stubborn stain - it never truly goes away. CONTENT WARNING: Profanity, gore, violence, explicit adult content

Maggie checks in to the office to clarify policy. Joe confronts his dad. Then Maggie receives grim news...

Joe has a plan.

WARNING! Incomplete, UNSTABLE audio. Listen at own risk! Raw audio of upcoming audiobook No edits -- includes chatting, mess-ups, cursing and laughing Available for a limited time! (Until complete version is published to Audible) It’s amazing what the lack of immediate threat to one’s life and wellbeing can do for a person’s disposition. High risk, high reward endeavors suddenly seem far less appealing, month-long delays are no longer a cause for concern, and sleeping in every single day of the week becomes an extremely attractive proposition. Indeed, without a pressing need to aggressively expand its power, Boxxy T. Morningwood is finally able to simply sit back, enjoy life, and watch the world both turn and burn. Questions such as ‘Who started those fires?’ and ‘Should I do something about them?’ are answered with ‘Don’t know’ and ‘Don’t care.’ Having finally achieved the slow life it never knew it wanted, Boxxy is quite unwilling to jeopardize its newfound safety for no good reason. Of course, old habits die hard. Acquiring things of the tasty and/or shiny variety remain an enticing goal, as does the steady accumulation of power. Just because it no longer has the threat of death looming over it doesn’t mean that the once-mimic won’t take the occasional calculated risk in exchange for immense personal gain. Admittedly, developments outside its predictions will inevitably put carefully laid plans to waste, but that’s how it always has been and always will be. Boxxy will deal with those issues in the same manner it always has – with cunning ingenuity, brutal efficiency, and old-fashioned dumb luck. Despite what one might think, all three of those traits can be nurtured and improved, even something as seemingly unreliable as good fortune. Especially good fortune. The time for the Hero of Chaos to get thrown about by the whims of fate is over, and it is now Boxxy’s turn to make the world bend to its will, starting with the savage orcs of the far south.

WARNING! Incomplete, UNSTABLE audio. Listen at own risk! Raw audio of upcoming audiobook No edits -- includes chatting, mess-ups, cursing and laughing Available for a limited time! (Until complete version is published to Audible) It would appear that, after two years of relative slacking, the Hero of Chaos is once again facing an ever-growing workload. Boxxy had been quite fortunate to obtain an exceptionally potent pawn with very little effort, but that was still effort it did not intend to expend. Sensing it might get dragged into things it really doesn't want to bother with, the creature makes haste to depart Velos and its orcs so that it may continue its private preparations for the upcoming Dragon Festival. Of course, it's never that easy. First, it has to make good on a deal it made to babysit not one, not two, but three spoiled brats. Normally it would just refuse, or at the very least just lock them up in a dungeon somewhere. Unfortunately, neither of those are attractive options when this job involves the deceitful shapeshifter's natural enemy - the Holy Inquisition of the Goddess of Truth and Justice, headed by Teresa's latest chosen Hero, Sigmund Law. Boxxy really doesn't want to deal with any of that. It's got treasure to plunder, Levels to grind, and a bottomless pit of a belly to fill, to name a few things on its agenda. Aside from having better things to do, the very idea of this bothersome chore runs contrary to its monstrous instincts, not to mention it's absolutely nonsensical. What sort of weirdo thinks a wolf in sheep's clothing is the best candidate to look after three little pigs? The God of Uncertainty, that's who. It's a rare order from the big kettle himself, and Boxxy must comply or find itself stripped of the divine gifts that are vital to maintaining its public image. Between suffering through this inane task for the time being or watching its nation-spanning web of lies unravel, the choice is obvious. So, for better or worse, the industrious box gets busy figuring out how to squeeze 'babysitting' into its schedule. Only to have those plans instantly shatter when it returns home to find the place in ruins.