Humor

A clever thief. A grizzled warrior. A legendary castle guarded by a monster of myth. When presented with the opportunity of a lifetime, young and arrogant Jerrell Landish cannot refuse. Teamed with a renowned warrior, he embarks on a quest hundreds of adventurers have attempted. None ever returned. His mission: Locate a legendary castle, defeat the guardian protecting it, and obtain the treasure hidden within. If only he knew what lurked in the castle ruins. If only he understood the dangerous nature of the treasure he sought to claim.

Power. The ambitious thirst for it. In a realm where wizards rule, those able to claim a throne are granted the power of a god. How can one defeat a god? A clever thief, a determined acrobat, and a troubled dwarf are joined by an old storyteller as they attempt the impossible: Assassinate a wizard lord. Their slim hope relies on an enchanted amulet, the Eye of Obscurance. These unwitting pawns are embroiled in a contest of wizards. The stakes: The fate of the world.

Based (verrrrrry loosely) on True Events. Alexis Lieberman has been hacked. And not just hacked like someone stole her credit card information and did something reasonable, like buy a new TV or go to Aruba. Oh, nooooooo, of course not. No, she got hacked, and her credit card was used to buy the most vile, disgusting thing she could even contemplate. Sub sandwiches with extra mayo. That’s right — her identity was stolen and all they got was some cheap sub sandwich delivery, and not even good subs at that. But that’s beside the point. The point is that her identity was stolen, the sanctity of her computing world was violated, and it is high time that the evildoers were brought to justice, and made to answer for their crimes against Lexi — and against lunches worldwide. I mean, really. Extra mayo? Who even does that? But now Lexi has another problem. Nobody cares. Not the local police, not the police in the town where the subs were fraudulently purchased, not even the FBI, who’s supposed to handle things like interstate wire fraud, international drug cartels, and human trafficking. No, there’s no evidence of international drug cartels or human trafficking, but there’s also no evidence that those things aren’t involved, now is there? So Lexi, after a long afternoon day drinking with her next door neighbor and BFF, Rhonda Mabry, she does the only thing she can think of — she loads up the Prius and heads off to Orlando in search of justice and whoever would order extra mayo. I mean, gross. Along the way, there are drunken bar fights, drunken Bar Olympics, underwear malfunctions, a visit to at least one drunk tank, a fling with a man missing his eyebrows (which may or may not be Lexi’s doing), a showdown with the Russian mob, and a mechanical bull named Hornicus Prime.

It is an undeniable fact that good things come in small packages. More often than not, it is necessary to trim the fat in order to bring what really matters to the forefront. Having extra bulk may seem like a good idea, but in reality it is merely a crutch that will one day become a hindrance, as it is no substitute for personality nor ability. Indeed, often times it is the small things in life that brighten up our daily lives and constantly remind us exactly why we do the things we do. However, it is important to keep an open mind, for while bigger is not always better, there are also times when it is. This holds especially true when it comes to hopes and dreams, which have been known to require a suitably large container from time to time. And while dreaming big could potentially lead to massive disappointment, it is also possible to reach for the stars while aiming at the moon. These are the truths that one tiny woman with a gigantic aspiration is about to discover. DISCLAIMER: This is a spin-off/side story of Everybody Loves Large Chests, which takes place during the events of Volume 7: Goroth.

Believing Boxxy gone, Fizzy leaves her life in Azurvale behind and sets out to seek fame and fortune. She has her sights set on the Horkensaft Kingdom’s Royal Institute of Technology and all the prestige and resources she’d gain access to if admitted. However, despite her intentions for a clean slate and solitary career, life quickly reminds her of the most vital lesson that box-shaped war crime drilled into her – no single being can survive this world without allies.

By day, Ruby Little is an aspiring comic book creator who works a multitude of odd jobs just to eke out a living and survive in New York City. By night: same deal. Constantly struggling to keep both feet firmly planted in reality, Ruby often finds herself retreating into a fantasy world of her own creation, which only exists in her daydreams and notebooks. However, all that just might change when Shane, Ruby’s best friend and roommate, invites her to a Halloween party that will also be attended by one of the biggest comic book publishers in the business. Eager to pitch him her ideas, Ruby decides to attend the party dressed as her titular character: Space Buns. But when a freak accident blurs the lines between fantasy and reality, Ruby finds that chasing down her “big break” becomes the least of her worries. Conceptualized by Annie Ellicott and written by Emily Labes, Space Buns is the very first Soundbooth Theater original series! Complete with original music by Annie Ellicott, Mark Kuykendall, Jonathan Taylor, and Mark Southerland, this Audio Deep Dive is a charmingly fresh take on a classic medium. © 2020 Annie Ellicott & Emily Labes ℗ 2020 Soundbooth Theater

In the post-apocalyptic wasteland that is the northeastern United States, a grizzled survivor downloads a frivolous app that does a lot more than steal his data. To reverse the app’s disastrous effect, he’ll have to race against time to travel to the mysterious Jacob’s Untouched Cheese in *checks notes* Bridgeport, CT? Why Bridgeport? Is there anything there besides bridges and ports...?

Ruthless wizards vie for a vacant throne. The result could alter the balance of magic and doom their world. A wizard lord is dead, the result of an exotic scheme made possible by an amulet known as the Eye of Obscurance. What if the amulet falls into the wrong hands? With a throne vacant, a rival wizard lord seeks to expand his power, capturing prayers meant for another and strengthening his magic beyond anything ever recorded. The world will tremble should his power rise to that of two gods.

Bureaucracy, maintenance, and odd jobs. Though hardly the most glamorous start to her new life, Fizzy understands that the ambitious future she envisions for herself demands a solid foundation. Standing out so much certainly helps with getting herself established, though it does have its downsides whenever it starts attracting trouble as well.

The morning after the Halloween party – and the fateful incident at the docks – Ruby Little is as confounded as she is exhausted. But before she can process the events of the previous night, the mysterious Stanley Wheeler himself contacts her with a startling request. Can she trust him? Moreover, does she have a choice? Meanwhile, with her whole world changing in front of her eyes, Ruby’s urge to retreat inward alienates Shane and further complicates her already turbulent relationship with her father. Somehow, Ruby must learn to balance her personal life with the wild journey ahead; if only she could just get some sleep first. Conceptualized by Annie Ellicott and written by Emily Labes, Space Buns is the very first Soundbooth Theater original series! Complete with original music by Annie Ellicott and performed by Annie along with Mark Southerland, Aaron J. Morton, and Jordan Hehl; vocals by Jeff Hays and production by Mark Kuykendall. Cover illustration by Jeremy Luther. © 2021 Annie Ellicott & Emily Labes ℗ 2021 Soundbooth Theater

With her finances finally sorted and her strangely willing servant properly situated, the tireless golem is almost ready to start pursuing her dreams in earnest. She just needs to remain patient for a while longer. Once her crippled arm is reconstructed and reattached, there will be nothing left to stop her from moving up in the world.

A wizard lord bent on conquest. Mythical creatures return and threaten the lands. A foreboding future awaits. Thrones lie vacant while a ruthless wizard lord seeks world domination. Armed with unequaled magic, who can stop his mad lust for power? Monsters from legend arise and stalk the land. Who or what is behind their return? The Seers of Kelmar, a reclusive sect of prophets, claim the future has become obscured from their visions. What foreboding future awaits the Eight Wizardoms? A band of reluctant heroes embark on a quest to stop the chaos sweeping over the Eight Wizardoms. Can they prevent the end of their world?

A few weeks into her training with Wheeler and Mira, Ruby is frustrated by how little progress she has made towards becoming a hero. She still hasn’t figured out how to harness her abilities, let alone discover what exactly they are. While Wheeler is patient with her in that regard, he is far more demanding when it comes to her comic book work. Luckily for Ruby, she’s about to discover that a little progress and determination can go a long way -- in more than one area of her training. On the other hand, it seems no amount of tenacity can mend the gaps in Ruby’s personal life, as a night out with her drawing school friends and Shane reminds her. Both her reality and the world she’s created in her Space Buns comics are changing rapidly; will Ruby be able to keep up? Conceptualized by Annie Ellicott and written by Emily Labes, Space Buns is the very first Soundbooth Theater original series! Complete with original music by Annie Ellicott and performed by Annie along with Jordan Hehl; vocals also by Annie and production by Aaron J. Morton. Cover illustration by Jeremy Luther. © 2021 Annie Ellicott & Emily Labes ℗ 2021 Soundbooth Theater

Prophecy foretells the Dark Lord's rise, sparking a desperate quest for magical relics. A ruthless wizard lord conquers a neighboring wizardom, increasing his magic far beyond mere mortals. The more power he gains, the more he craves. While wizardoms war against one another, the Dark Lord rises. An army of monsters invades, sending the world toward the brink of doom. A team of misfits find themselves the fulcrum point of destiny, their world teetering upon their actions, certain to crumble should they fail. Led by cryptic passages from a dark prophecy, these heroes set off on two separate quests. One expedition leads to the Enchanter's Isle, rumored to hide a mysterious object known as the Band of Amalgamation. The other involves the Arc of Radiance, a sacred object protected by a lost race of elves. What power might these two enchanted relics unlock? Will they be located before it is too late? Objects of Power continues the Fate of Wizardoms epic, a sprawling fantasy saga loaded with magic, mystery, and discovery.

They say shoot for the moon, but this is just ridiculous, even by the erratic standards of the God of Chaos. Still, as his devoted Paladin, Fizzy is determined to adapt to her extraordinary circumstances and eventually find her way home, even if it takes her centuries. Still, she’d best not dally, as her companions-by-chance probably don’t have that luxury. Bloody meatbags.

A woman claims a crystal throne, granting her the power of a god - an act long forbidden. With her rise, the world trembles. As thrones of power fall vacant, one insatiable wizard seeks to increase his might. He never suspected a wizardess might foil his plans. A queen rises from the south and forms an unprecedented alliance - an army from multiple wizardoms, backed by the magic of a wizard lord. This dominant force sweeps across the land, consuming all in its wake. A squad of misfits, thrust into the roles of reluctant heroes, seek to alter fate and save their world from the Dark Lord. Even they are blind to the elaborate schemes of gods. Rise of a Wizard Queen continues the riveting Fate of Wizardoms fantasy epic, perfect for fans of Tolkien, Jordan, and Sanderson.

When Fizzy first saw the city of Dragunov, she thought it truly was the Tinkerers’ Holy Land. Little did she know it was only a prototype, barely a prelude of where this unprecedented detour would lead her. Though Fizzy is eager to see what the Original Artificer has been up to since her disappearance, she maintains a healthy dose of paranoia regarding ‘Katya’ person’s true motives. Just like Boxxy taught her.

On April 1, 2021, we convinced ELLC fans that, after a long wait, we were releasing Mortimer: Volume 6 here on SBT Direct for free. Of course, as they should have expected, it was a trap. People were pissed. It was hilarious. We've made it available again so you can now enjoy these 10 hours of comedic genius yourself.

Forces of magic converge, placing the Eight Wizardoms on the brink of devastation. The fate of the world hinges on a squad of misfit heroes caught in this conflict. A being from another world, a creature of terrifying power, has broken loose from a prison crafted by a god. However, this god slumbers, unaware as an army of monsters is unleashed upon mankind. The end of the world looms... Hope lies with a band of reluctant heroes brought together by fate and armed with objects of power...until an insane wizard lord destroys their one chance for salvation. Or so it seems... A Contest of Gods brings the acclaimed Fate of Wizardoms saga to a spectacular conclusion.

Optimism is a feeling Fizzy long thought dead and buried, yet here it is, rearing its ugly head. Just the faintest suggestion that Boxxy might still be alive was enough to make her core buzz with anticipation and glee. Unfortunately, the task of getting to it has not been made simpler, and if all she needs to do to accomplish it is wipe out an indigenous civilization or two, then so be it.

A stirring rebellion. Unrelenting assassins. Conspiracies abound. Two queens. One rules by fear, her citizens laboring to fund the lavish lifestyle of the wizard class. The other believes in justice and compassion, earning her the love of her subjects...and the enmity of her wizard peers. Both will die. In one wizardom, a secret rebellion brews. A hero to the people rises, fueled by a mysterious sorcerer's blood magic. But at what cost? Conspiracies and assassins lurk in every shadow, threatening the throne of another nation. The scheming wizard behind it will stop at nothing to claim the crown. Yet, even he is a pawn. What force is behind it all? What is their endgame? And, so begins a new epic set in the same world as the bestselling Fate of Wizardoms saga.

Upgrades! Now even more wondrous, fantastic, and lethal – not to mention with a divine sponsorship – Fizzy is finally ready to put this madness behind her and return to some semblance of normalcy. She doesn’t even have to commit genocide to do it. Instead, she has to lead the charge against a tyrannical, mechanical overlord that has had an entire century to fortify themselves. What could possibly go wrong?

A terrifying prophecy. A royal abduction. The desperate search for a legendary blade. The Seers are blind to prophecy, or so it seems until a nightmarish vision shocks everyone. A darkness comes. Should it claim the elves, it will advance until it consumes the southern wizardoms. To stave off impending doom, misfit heroes embark on a quest for a magical sword not seen in millennia. The newborn princess of Pallanar is abducted, triggering a desperate search. Her wizard father will do anything to rescue her. Who is behind it and what will his efforts cost? Toppled thrones send two wizardoms into chaos. The ambitious strive to claim power while new gods rise to replace the old. What can it all mean?

The elf queen rises. Backed by her magic, an army sweeps across the land like a plague. Can anything sate her unquenchable thirst for conquest? Through sacrifice, the druids have raised a new queen and goddess. An army marches, made of elves, druids, animal familiars, and ensorcelled humans. Wizards are crushed, soldiers destroyed, and cities captured as the elf queen storms across the land. Unless the elf queen is defeated, she will see all humans enslaved, the wizard race exterminated, and her rule extended across the Eight Wizardoms. Intent on unraveling the schemes affecting the wizardoms, Jace and Narine go undercover, seeking information within the nest of an evil mastermind. What secrets await? What will happen if they are caught? Curse of the Elf Queen continues the Fall of Wizardoms epic, raising the stakes and exposing secrets that will leave you wanting for more.

A man who commands dragons rises. The people call him a prophet, a savior...the one who will free them from the tyranny of the wizard class. They do not comprehend the threat he presents. The dragon priest rages across the land. Cities and rulers are helpless against his might. A pair of heroes embark on a dangerous quest, seeking a lost object of power. Without it, the dragon priest and his army will destroy the world. An army of metal golems invades another wizardom. These magic-powered automatons are the weapon of the last wizard lord - a madman who desires to rule the world. Despite his power, betrayal becomes his most useful tool. Shadow of a Dragon Priest continues the Fall of Wizardoms Saga, an epic fantasy adventure rife with action, intrigue, and witty banter.

A dark god rises, intent on world domination. With a disease spreading across the realm, altering the land and every living thing it touches, will there be anything left to rule? The dark elf, Xavan, has captured numerous great cities, forcing the citizens to worship him. Their prayers cause his might to swell far beyond that of a wizard lord. The death of another god has caused the realm to become infected. This taint alters everything it touches, including the monsters who live in the land where it originated, causing them increase in size and ferocity. This horde storms across the wizardoms, destroying everything in its path. Can a ragtag team of heroes defeat Xavan before he reaches full godhood? Even if successful, can anything stop the monsters and the spreading desolation? Or is this the end?

A team of relic hunters. A protected island fortress filled with enchanted artifacts. The quest that began it all. Join Tor on his first quest...which nearly became his last. Tor and his crew are sent the Isle of Enchanters to infiltrate the inner sanctum and investigate the ruins of a destroyed tower. The dangers lurking within are more extensive than Tor might have ever guessed. Join the quest and discover how he obtained his famous, enchanted weapon.

A retired master ranger has disappeared, and his daughter is desperate to find him. When approached with this quest, Tor Ranseur declines...until he discovers this man went missing while following clues leading to a temple of legend. The magical artifacts rumored to await in these ruins are too alluring to deny. Joined by a dysfunctional crew armed with magical weapons, Tor sets off on a quest to locate, infiltrate, and pilfer the Temple of the Dark Lord. What he finds is something completely unexpected as monsters, traps, and betrayal turn the quest from dangerous to deadly.